


Agent Me

by iloveitblue



Series: Prompts [67]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-26
Updated: 2015-06-15
Packaged: 2018-02-10 11:52:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2024097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iloveitblue/pseuds/iloveitblue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The one where I tell the story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"You’re staring again." Agent Lim says from beside me. We’re in the mess hall and Agent Barton just came in. 

"I can’t help it." I groan. "He just- He’s  _The Amazing Hawkeye!_  Of course, I’m staring. I could stare at him all day!”

"And I don’t doubt it. But you’re a junior agent now. I thought you’d be better at not wearing your heart on your sleeve." Lim rolls his eyes at me. 

"Excuse you, I  _am_  awesome at not letting my emotions show. But it’s you! I could give you a gun and forcibly pull the trigger for you, and I still know you’d somehow save me.” I tap my finger on my lips. “I trust you. You should be honored.”

He makes a ‘tsss’ sound that was his way of laughing at my ridiculousness. Then over his shoulder, I notice Agent Barton approach the counter and pay for his meal - or rather  _meals_.

I narrow my eyes at him and Lim turns to look. I smack him upside the head. He yelps a high-pitched ‘Ow’ and glares at me. “What the hell was that for?”

I shake my head tightly at him. “Don’t. turn. He’ll know we’re observing him.”

"We?" I ignore him and go back to nonchalantly following Barton’s moves. As soon as he was out of the Mess Hall, Lim speaks again. "So, what’s the report on today’s lunch."

I grin at him. “Barton and Coulson are totally dating.”

He sighs at me, defeated. “Are you still on about that?”

"No, No. Stay with me here. Look, Agent Barton always orders the same thing for lunch. A bowl of mac and cheese. Agent Coulson always orders the salad. Agent Barton usually eats in the mess hall with Agent Romanoff, except for when she’s on missions in which case he eats out." I explain to him.

"How do you know all this?" He asks, but as usual I ignore him.

"Today, Agent Romanoff is in Ontario. Which means, Agent Barton should have eaten out."

"But he didn’t." Lim finished for me.

"Exactly. He didn’t. Instead he bought a bowl of mac and cheese and salad to go. Agent Barton never eats salad. or at least not in public. And who do we know who eats  _just_  salad for lunch?”

"Agent Coulson" He answers in a mocking tone.

"AGENT COULSON! Exactly. They’re totally banging."

"Yeah, okay. but what if Coulson just  _asked_  Barton to fetch him lunch? Agent Coulson is his superior and it would explain why Barton bought mac and cheese to go. He’ll eat out but since he was already in the mess hall, he just ordered mac and cheese.”

"I like my version better."

"Obviously." I remain silent for a while as I pick at my food… thinking. "3… 2…1…"

"But see, there was this time when Agent Coulson stayed with Agent Barton in the range for  _no reason at all._  I saw them.”

"Were they doing anything that can be classified as romantic?"

"Not technically. They were talking while Agent Barton was practicing."

"Then it wasn’t technically anything."

"No, but you didn’t see the way Agent Coulson smiled at him, and the way Agent Barton laughed at what he said. Just being around them  _makes_  you wish you were in a relationship.”

"Not necessarily proof that they’re dating though."

"No, but see… There’s always the way Coulson rushes to Barton’s side after every mission in medical. Scrape or injury, Coulson is always there."

"I thought that was to make sure Agent Barton didn’t run off?"

"That’s what they want you to think. Agent Coulson cares, okay? maybe a little too much, but he can’t let Barton know, because that would be unprofessional and he can’t risk Barton finding out because other than the fear of rejection, there’s also a big possibility that he’ll lose the trust Barton had in him that he spent years building. He can’t have that. The pain of Barton rejecting him, he can handle. But Barton losing trust in him? That pain would be unbearable.

"And then there’s Barton. who used to hate medical with every fiber of his being. Up until he realized that staying in the medical would earn him a visit from Coulson and one of those smiles that always seem to make his heart flutter. so he stays. If only to get a glimpse of his handler. Because seeing his handler smile at him after a particularly shitty day at work, even if it was in medical, always seemed to make him smile and giddy and stuff. Romanoff calls him an idiot if he hasn’t figured it out yet. But he’s not an idiot. He knows that he’s in love with his handler. Known for years actually. He just never got the courage to say it out loud, because of all the possible what ifs and his many flaws. So he keeps quiet and enjoys as much time with his handler as he can." I finish, barely breathing now.

Lim blinks at me. “Wow, you’ve really thought about this a lot haven’t you?”

I snort at him. “Oh please. that’s not even the nastiest I got. I should probably write that though. It’s been a long time since I wrote a long-ish fic.”

"And you’d hate to disappoint the public"

"Practically a disservice." I smile at him and take my tray before getting up to leave the mess hall. There was fanfiction to write, after all.


	2. Chapter 2

“Agent Barton?” Lim asked, frowning. “Probably in the range, why?” 

I smacked my forehead, of course he was in the range. He’s always in the range. “I should’ve thought about that.” I grumbled. “Well, I gotta go. I have stuff I need to take care of.” 

Lim caught my wrist before I could run off. “What stuff? We’re supposed to head to Sitwell’s office to grab some forms, remember?” He reminded me, ever the accommodating friend. The real Lim would be proud. Not that  _she_ ’d get how awesome it was that her alternate self was a SHIELD agent.

“My time is almost up. I need to do something before then. An important thing. A mission. Kind of.” I tried to explain without really explaining anything, hoping that its enough for him to let me go.

“What mission. You don’t have a mission.” He raised an eyebrow at me.

“It’s classified. You don’t have the clearance level for it.”

“We have the same clearance level. Anything you’re allowed to know, I’m allowed to know.” 

I jump from foot to foot for a second, before I decide, Fuck it. “I’m not from here. I mean this realm.” Lim raised his eyebrow at me. “I’m real.”

“What am I then? Chopped Liver?”

“No.” I groaned. “Listen to me carefully, okay? You are a character. A  _side character_  in a story.”

Lim nodded. “A story about you?”

“No! Let me finish.” I told him, rolling my eyes. “About lots of people. Heroes. The Avengers. The X-Men. The Fantastic Four. You’re a side character in their story. I’m not.”

“What do you mean you’re not?”

“I don’t belong in this story. In any of the stories. I’m a reader.”

“A reader.” 

“Yes.”

“Fine, I’ll humor you. How did you get here then?” Lim asked me, resigned to his fate of being friends with me in every universe.

“I Blue-skadooed.”

“You what?”

“You know,  _Blue skadoo, we can too?”_ I sang, I had to admit that it was a little of key, but the frown on Lim’s face was completely unjustified.

“What?”

“ _Blue ska-”_

“No, you know what, do whatever you want. I’m going to Sitwell’s office. Do whatever mission you have to do, but don’t go blaming me if Sitwell yells at you for being late.”

I squealed a little then ran off to the range. I didn’t really have enough time to dilly-dally. If my calculations were correct, I had less than an hour until I was forcibly sucked out of the story, which meant I have less than an hour to get Phil and Clint together. I didn’t actually care at this point at what I had to do. If pushing their heads together so that they’d kiss was what it took, then I’m going to fucking do it. 

Actually, no. I want to do that. I’m hoping it comes to that. When I get home, I’m going to put Phil’s, Clint’s and my head on that ‘Now Kiss’ meme and laugh for a few hours. It’s going to be hysterical. And the thing that’ll make it funnier is if it was actually canon. 

I almost slip a few times when turning a corner, bumped into a few more intimidating people and actually slip when I tried to stop in front of the range. SHIELD floors are very shiny, and slippery - No wonder people love wearing rubber soled boots inside this place.

Luckily, it was almost lunch time, which meant that most people were headed to the mess, and the only one inside the range now is probably Clint. As quietly as I could, I poked my head through the door, looking for SHIELD’s resident archer.

I actually squeaked when my eyes landed on the only two figures that stood there. But they weren’t just standing there, oh no. They were making out. Like dirty, and wet, and I-don’t-care-who-sees-us-I-have-to-taste-your-tongue kind of make out.

“I totally knew you guys were together!” I declared with a little more glee in my voice than was probably necessary. 

Both men sprang apart at my voice and I had to wince. That probably wasn’t the best idea I’ve had. Phil frowned at me, and I felt myself shrink. He didn’t let go of his hold on Clint’s waist though, which I totally approve of. 

“Agent-”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt. I was- I was just leaving and I wanted to say my goodbyes.”

“Leaving?” Phil asked. “No one’s scheduled to leave for any mission until tonight.”

“Yeah, no. I meant leaving SHIELD.” 

“Were you fired?” Clint asked me, which was okay, not that I expected him not to care at all, but I didn’t really interact with the main character much to avoid changing the story completely, so him asking why I was leaving was kind of flattering.

“Uh, no. Not really. I’m just- you know- leaving. I had one mission inside SHIELD. and that was to get you two together.” I shrugged. No use hiding it now. I only had minutes anyway. “I only had until today and was about to just push your faces together when I walked in on…  _that_. but hey, at least you two are together and I was right. My friends owe me so much money when I get back.” I prattled on, not really noticing how my body was starting to disappear. 

“You’re-”

“And I am going to be hailed queen when I get back. And okay, granted, I didn’t actually  _do_ anything, but I was here when you guys kissed so that’s gotta count for something, right?”

“Agent!” Phil yelled.

“Yes sir?” I answered more on instinct now. It’s a little awesome.

“You’re disappearing.” Phil stated.

“Oh,” I looked down at myself and find that yes, I am disappearing. “I guess my time’s up.” I think about any last things I wanted to tell them. Like maybe, Clint’s mind control event and Phil’s death, but then I realized that telling these guys about something like that will only send them into paranoia so I rearranged the thoughts in my head. “No matter what happens, you’re going to be okay. You’re going to find each other again. Not even death can separate you. Remember that, okay?” I tell them with the last of my breath.

I was already back in the real world so I didn’t see Phil and Clint sound the alarms and order a lockdown, sending the whole facility into chaos until I read the next issue. 

It was maybe a little funny. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Here on tumblr](http://promptmephlint.tumblr.com/post/121585205051/is-yang-deficiency-an-actual-thing-like-an)

**Author's Note:**

> [Here on tumblr](http://promptmephlint.tumblr.com/post/92744558461/okay-can-i-just-say-i-love-this-prompt-because)


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